sour cream

Today I did something I'd never thought I would do.


I bought a bottle of self-tanning lotion.


You see, my skin, as I like to put it is "whiter than sour cream." Don't you hate it when you sit in the sun and you are blinded by the whiteness of your own skin?
Is it just me?
It seems that I have just began an epic mission, the unachievable conquest of tanning my legs. Now, people are usually one of two types, ones that burn and then tan or the ones that just tan.
I'm neither, I guess you could describe me as - the one who burns, stays red, and then the skin returns to the pre-roasted state. Sun does not seem to affect my legs. Once I sun-baked in my backyard for the whole afternoon and the colour of my skin did not alter in the slightest. And it was a hot day.

Except there was this one time when I got extremely burnt. So burnt that my skin was warm long after I had actually been in the sun. I felt like I was in a daze, my head was light and fuzzy. But that was the least of my worries. You see, that morning I had gotten up early to go crabbing with my stepdad and brother. I covered myself in suncream and thought I was adequately protected. But I was wrong. I had forgotten about the gap between my shirt and my shoulders, as the shirt dipped at the back. To put it lightly, my skin looked horrific, like someone had literately painted my back with red paint or had covered me in paprika like I was some sort of tandoori chicken.

Ouch.

But, I am not the type of person who learns from experience, so let the roasting begin!